


Assignment and Responsibility

by MercurialComet



Series: That one universe where Beau got a babysitter worse than her [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Universe Alteration, character-insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 03:25:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13895235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialComet/pseuds/MercurialComet
Summary: Aka how we start off with That One Universe where Beau got a babysitter worse than her from the Cobalt Soul Monks





	Assignment and Responsibility

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda crackish, but enjoy anyways.  
> Also direct dialogue takes me out like a hitman, but I did it for y'all

“Beauregard. You have been what The Archive would call a  _ problematic student _ .” Beauregard immediately started laughing at that a light chuckle filling the air as Zeenoth continued his speech. “I’ve had to pull in quite a bit of a favor-” chuckles continued in the background as she calmly fixed her hair and choked out a, “Sorry, keep going. I’m listening” in between her breaths, suddenly sobering up.

 

Zeenoth continued on, talking a lot about progress and teachings, potential and growth. Argus was almost starting to get bored hiding in the rafters of this room in the brewery. He tuned back in to hear Beauregard say, “And I’m assuming that coin is no longer coming to the Reserve, so, why do you care?”

 

_ Coin? Beauregard has access to some coin? _ He rolled his eyes, calmly readjusting his grip and continuing to listen to the conversation.  _ Finally some useful information. _

 

“Your tendencies clash with our teachings-”  _ No shit they do, everyone’s do, we are reformed criminals for Pelor’s sake. _ “Your dislike for authority.”

 

Beauregard, the fucking legend she is, shrugged. “I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving.”

 

“Your dislike for authority is not a bad thing.” A new voice, a woman’s popped up, causing Argus to sweep the room again until he saw her, mentally griping at himself for being so careless. “It can keep you alive. Authority should always be questioned.”  _ Or blackmailed.  _ “Those with more power than you should be held to a higher standard.”

 

Beauregard tilted her head slightly. “Thank you, authoritative figure who I am unaware of. Your name?” She never turned around to face the woman. Argus immediately caught onto her tactic , acting like the person with the least amount of care to try and give her an intimidating air. Sadly, knowing the woman, he knew it wasn’t going to work.

 

Zeenoth distracted her again, picking up where he left off. “But the way of the Knowing Mistress has an order of learning. Your patience is essential to adhering to this path. I know it may not be stimulating at times-” Argus rolled his eyes again. “-but we must prepare your mind if we are ever to prepare your soul.”

“Yeah, I’d say that sorting books and punching brick walls repeatedly can definitely,” Beauregard took a deep breath, crossing her arms. “ _ not  _ be stimulating at all times.”

 

“Look, I just wish to-” 

 

“Enough-”  _ Oh thank Pelor she finally took over.  _ “I’ve heard enough Zeenoth.” She raised her hand and stepped in front of Beauregard. “You are removed of your responsibility to oversee Beauregard.” The man’s eyes widen, and he opens his mouth but she beats him to the punch. “This is not a student you can help. Return to Zadash.”

“Expositor,” Zeenoth pleaded, “I do not think I have been given a fair shot. Please-”

 

“I know this girl, because I see much of myself in her. You cannot reach her. Go.” Argus was surprised to see that the man looked hurt as he apologized to Beauregard and left.

 

Argus’ eyes widened heavily.  _ Zeenoth is upset, the Expositor overruled someone, this girl is causing chaos and no one in the Archive has seen her. What is going on? _ He tuned back in as Expositor Dairon finished her speech.

 

“Do you Beauregard, wish to see the truths of the world?”  _ Ah, the infamous “we are” speech. That’s a classic. _

 

Beauregard stood there for a second before she suddenly doubled over in pain, the Expositor reacting quickly and catching her. “Oh, I’m so sorry-” the woman seeming to be in pain said, “I just have this burn in my butt from all the smoke you just blew up my ass.” She stood up, smirking. “Is that a magical talent?”

 

The smirk quickly fell from her face as Dairon punched her, the force of the blow knocking her onto the ground. “Are you listening now?”

 

Beauregard looked up. “Do I have a choice?”

 

“Let me be your teacher?”

 

“Oh boy, is that what I have to look forward to?”

 

The Expositor sighed. “No. What do you want to do now, now that that’s happened?”

 

_ Kick her ass, kick her ass- _

 

Beauregard wiped a bit of blood forming at the side of her mouth. “I kind of want to fucking punch you back.”  _ Yes! _

 

“Then do it. What’s stopping you?”  _ This is gonna be good. _

 

“Now you have my attention.” Beauregard flew up off the ground, throwing a punch that Dairon dodges. As she dodges it, she flicks Beauregard in the back of her head. 

 

“Ow, my dad used to do that kind of shit-” She stops talking as she quickly ducks out of the way of the elbow aimed at her head.

 

“Good. Good.” Dairon buckled down into a defensive stance, waiting for Beauregard’s answer to her attempts. “Come on.”

 

Beauregard lost all sense of composure, wildly throwing haymakers and backhands. Argus looked on astonishedly as, when Dairon lets her guard down to allow for some free hits, Beauregard rocked her world, three hits connecting, but the first two catching he chin and temple, places he knew you really wanted to protect in a fight.

 

Dairon didn’t seem to be that fazed however, and smiled at the student. “Very good. So you have learned some things in your time.” She quickly advanced, and it’s only because he snuck into other trainings that he’s able to keep up with the fact that she hit pressure points, ones that were capable of taking out arms and legs, rendering them slightly useless with no harm.

 

He doesn’t really pay attention after all of that, everything blurring together until Dairon climbs boxes next to his hiding spot, jumping off to try and attack Beauregard. She hit the same pressure point twice, Beauregard stunned for a few seconds as she walked to the front of the room.

 

“I can start you on this path. You can return to your wanderlust, your allies. Our kind learns more in the world than in a library.” She smiled, sitting next to Beauregard. “Agree to use my instruction, to use the skills I teach you, as you return throughout your journeys, ad one day you too, can become an Expositor.”

 

It took a while for Beauregard to respond, and Argus knew that was because of the pressure point bull shit he saw. “Okay. I got to hand it to you, that was awesome, and I want to know how to do it.”  _ Her voice sounds kinda slurred, that’s probably another side effect. They don’t talk much in those training meetings I sneak in to watch.  _ “You beat me.”

 

“Very well.” Dairon stood up. “Your first lesson begins now.”

 

“Okay.” Beauregard gets up with a groan. “Can I just-” Dairon snapped her fingers and Zeenoth stepped back inside. 

 

“Is it over my dear-”  _ That’s some good information to hold.  _ “Is it done?”

 

Dairon smiled. “I need you to stand here for a second Zeenoth. I need a body. Let me show you the proper pressure points.”

 

His eyes went wide. “I do not believe-”

 

“You owe me a favor.” Dairon’s eyes twinkled. “I found her for you, did I not?” Zeenoth sighed and stood in the center of the room, taking off his cloak on the way. Beauregard grabbed a stool and moved it over, right next to him.

 

Dairon started teaching, and Argus slowly succumbed to sleep, still above the three in the rafters.

 

He doesn’t wake up until he hears his name being called over and over. Still sleepy, he falls out of the rafters and lands on the ground. “Yes, Expositor?”

 

“Keep an eye on Beauregard. I leave you in charge of making sure that she’s safe.”

 

That woke the man up, launching him to his feet. “I have to babysit her?!” He hears her scoff in the background.

 

“Yes. I’m leaving for Zadash and I would feel a lot better if she was in good hands. I at least know that yours are decent.” That’s the most praise he’s ever gotten while being here.

 

“Fine.” He heads over to the door, stepping over Zeenoth’s body knocked out cold. “You Cobalt Soul monks are crazy, you know that right?”

 

Dairon smiled as she climbed up the boxes she had climbed earlier that night and grabbed Argus’ bag. “We’re not as crazy as one might expect if they knew the whole truth.” She threw it at him while turning to Beauregard. “Now for you.” She calmly places her hands and her student’s shoulders. “Do what you must. Travel the world. Use what I’ve taught you. Learn about injustice. Those you don’t trust, follow them. Bend them. Make them tell the truth and admit their guilt.” Argus tuned out again as she went on with her spiel of corruption and cleaning broken systems.

 

His eyes snapped to Beauregard as she left, and, after counting to seven as he’s done so many times before, he picked up his bags and followed.


End file.
